The darkest moment in human history is upon us. At this year’s E3, Nintendo was proud to announce their upcoming Smash Bros. title, Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. Complete with their longest fighter roster yet, containing some new additions like Ridley from the Metroid series and the Inklings from Splatoon, fans immediately noticed that someone was missing:
It was our dearest friend, Waluigi. After being absent from their roster list, he made a brief appearance during their demonstration of assist trophies. In a stunning moment of Nintendo’s own hubris, Waluigi was Murdered Live at E3!
That’s right, folks. Since Waluigi is shown as an assist trophy, this means that our hero in purple will not be on the roster of playable characters in the upcoming Smash game. Needless to say, fans were stunned, and none were amused. Nintendo has, essentially, betrayed their fans’ trust by rendering their most well-developed and sexually attractive character unplayable in the upcoming Smash Bros. game. This is nothing short of a national tragedy, making the Boston Marathon seem like a scraped knee in comparison. Why, Nintendo!?
The fans, of course, responded to the news in the only way they know how: by memeing it into the ground. During an emotional time like this, the relief that we feel when we see 400 million Waluigi memes can make this grieving period more tolerable. After all, we’ve just witnessed Nintendo’s blatant mockery of TIME 2018’s “Sexiest Man Alive.”
"Needless to say, fans were stunned, and none were amused.”
Why would Nintendo leave out such an iconic, totally unironically-loved national treasure? After all, if a supporting character like Daisy can make her way into the final game, why can’t he? There is a rumor floating around that, during a Nintendo Treehouse segment with Super Smash Bros. creator Masahiro Sakurai, he described fans’ appreciation of Waluigi as “insincere.”
This is, however, demonstrably false: he made no such statement of fans’ sincerity during his Nintendo Treehouse segment. So stop spreading false information, everybody.
So, if Sakurai doesn’t actually hate Waluigi, why was he left to die?
Well, maybe he wasn't. Some fans choose to remain optimistic and insist that his death was just a farce. Gaming YouTuber Alpharad uploaded a video, Waluigi in Smash Bros. Ultimate, where he presents a theory that it’s all a bamboozle on Sakurai’s part.
“I know this sounds a little too deep to believe,” he explains. “But I think it’s a possible theory for the next Smash game. Sakurai did confirm they didn’t want to include many more characters. But, you know, at the same time, he still confirmed that there are a few more, at least.”
This is supported by the fact that while Waluigi was featured as an assist trophy during the E3 demonstration, he reportedly has not yet been present as an assist during demo play.
However, none of this is confirmed in any capacity. At the moment, all we know is what we’ve seen so far: that Waluigi is only present as an assist trophy but absent on the roster, confirming that he will not be a playable character.
Don’t get your hopes up, folks. Waluigi is dead, and it’s all Sakurai’s fault.
Goodnight, sweet prince. May fleets of angels sing thee to thy rest.
We loved you, Waluigi. You’ll be missed.